Children of Divorce

Inform the children of the divorce, and explain the reason for the divorce in terms that are appropriate for the ages of the children and are neutral. Both parents should be present, and all children should be told at the same time unless it is impossible.

Reassure the children (especially the younger children) that the divorce is not their fault. Repeat this explanation over and over and over.

Except for cases of abusive relationships or concerns of immediate safety, inform the children well in advance of anyone moving out of the house.

Clearly inform the children of the expected family structure after the divorce, and who will live where. Discuss visitation clearly.

Do not make children be adults.

Do not discuss money. Children do not comprehend money or the true costs of maintaining a home. If they ask, do not lie, but be aware that $200 seems like a small fortune to a school-aged child.

Children need rules. Be consistent in this area even if it is the only area in your entire life that is consistent.

Children must never be forced into taking sides. Both parents love them and they can love both parents.

Belittling your ex-spouse should be avoided within earshot of the children. They believe everything you say, even when it is out of anger or frustration. But do not lie to cover up irresponsible behavior by the other parent. Children will see through it quickly, and your credibility will suffer in other areas.

Never, ever put your children in the middle between you and your spouse. They are not buffers or pawns or messengers or prizes to divide like property. They are your children. They are the most precious things in the world to any parent. They are the one best thing that came out of the marriage.